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Saturday, June 6th, 2009
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9:38 am
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So I'm running a Feng Shui campaign now.
( Read more... )
Not sure how I want to roll with the baddies. But that's a thought (and post) for when I am rested.
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pull the trigger
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| Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
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1:22 am
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So I have a real ladyfriend now. Just thought I'd mention.
I met her at a D&D group.
I have good feelings about this.
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1 headshot - pull the trigger
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| Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
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3:52 pm
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"Whatever you've done."
I'm getting really sick of hearing that. I'm getting really sick of only being my most recent action. I'm getting really quite especially sick and fucking tired of nothing changing in fifteen years.
I will never be good enough. I will never have a relationship with him. I will never be part of a family.
The reasons for not shooting myself are thinning rapidly.
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1 headshot - pull the trigger
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| Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
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4:12 pm
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| Monday, September 22nd, 2008
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6:54 am
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| Thursday, September 4th, 2008
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4:28 pm
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Your result for The Heart Test... Reclusive HeartYou are 70% Independent, 40% Idealistic, 70% Intimate, and 60% Indulgent! 
The Reclusive Heart
Independent, Realistic, Intimate, Indulgent
You are the most aloof of hearts, the Reclusive Heart. You are down-to-earth and don't mind being alone, but at the same time you are intimate and value harmony when you are in a relationship. You may seem standoffish, but you simply realize that the love of another isn't everything as long as you love yourself. However, you do value the closeness of another, but don't need it to be happy. Matches for the Reclusive Heart: The Lonely HeartYou will find a sort of a kindred sprit in the Lonely Heart. Realistic and valuing love and harmony, you will get along well. The Lonely Heart's more dependent nature may not seem to appeal to you at first, but want for intimacy will make you appreciate the Lonely Heart's need to be loved. The Heart on SleeveThe Heart on Sleeve is not afraid to show emotions or say how they feel. You will come to appreciate their need to be loved, and also value their idealistic and intimate nature. Their more forthrightness will be something you as an independent can appreciate and make for a good match. Your exact opposite is The Rogue's Heart. Avoid Indpendents when you can. You value independency, but a relationship with another Independent won't last, as you'll both be doing your own thing, and the intimacy will be lost. Explicits may also be difficult for you to get along with, as you value harmony. Take The Heart Test at HelloQuizzy
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pull the trigger
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| Monday, September 1st, 2008
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1:34 pm
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| Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
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7:32 pm
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So the ineffable, inimitable, and incalculable Doctor Kevin A. Nolley is back on campus, rocking a shiny new posting as Assistant Professor of Classics. And he just hooked me up with a job, sort of. I do the essay grading for the ninety students in his CC105 Introduction to the Classical World sections, he hooks me up with something I can put on my resume and 3 credit hours besides, giving me a full 18 hours. And if I perform well, I can probably keep the gig next semester.
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1 headshot - pull the trigger
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| Monday, August 25th, 2008
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4:27 pm - Baaaaaaa.
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So, alephenon, your LiveJournal reveals...
You are... 1% unique and 11% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy smashing pumpkins). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.
Your overall weirdness is: 23(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 51% of other LJers.)
Find out what your weirdness level is!
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1 headshot - pull the trigger
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| Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
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5:28 am
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| Monday, May 12th, 2008
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5:25 pm
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We took Belle to her 3:30 appointment. The vet just looked at her and asked if she could stand. We said no, he went back to get the syringe while we said goodbye. The table was that cold metal every vet's office has. I don't know what else I was expecting. At least we wrapped her in towels for transport, that kept it kinda warm.
She barely reacted while the doctor shaved her forearm, and this is the dog who howls bloody murder if you cut her toenails... just confirms she was gone. She didn't even flinch when the needle was inserted. Right as he got to the end of the injection, she started yipping, but it was so weak... she managed to lift her head and yelp a few times and that was about all. The vet left us in peace. She went to sleep - her eyelids didn't even close.
After a minute we noticed her chest stop moving, and her mouth fell open. She gave a few death rattles and scared the hell out of us the first time it happened. After a few minutes the vet came back in to check her vitals. I could've told him she was dead - pupils fixed and dilated, no heart rhythm. He said she was definitely gone, in another day or so "she'd have maggots," which was comforting, knowing we did the right thing and all.
We took her back out - there were some kids in the waiting room, I have no idea what they thought was going on - and put her in the car, then drove to the crematorium. A very nice woman there wheeled out a little padded table, we laid her down, and we came back home. Tomorrow she'll call us when Belle is ready, and we'll go pick her up.
Is it wrong that I don't really feel bad? She's not suffering, and she was suffering so much. She wouldn't even eat, and she loved to eat. She'd steal cat food when she thought she could get away with it. She turned down her favorite foods. In order to medicate her I had to grind up the tablet and rub it on her gums. She didn't even open her mouth. The mortuary woman was upbeat like I was, but my mother has been crying and sniffling all weekend. Do I just get my coping genes from Dad, or what?
When I asked Mom if we were going to get another dog, she said she couldn't think about it right now, and this confuses me terribly. This woman is a highly pragmatic and rational person, but something about death sets her off in ways I can't rightly comprehend. The only times I've been messed up over death is when it's nebulous - Nikki and Sandy both died when I was away. I never said goodbye or saw their bodies. I don't even know where they're buried. I carried Belle's body, so there's closure there. But not for her? Or what?
Maybe I just think about death more than most people. Or differently? I've been watching Belle die, little by little, over the last year or so. Deafness, blindness, senility, incontinence, all mounting. It's not like it was a surprise. She was fifteen, that's anywhere from seventy to ninety in human years (depending on who you ask). Everything ends. Everything dies.
Maybe I'm just thinking about this too much.
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pull the trigger
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| Sunday, May 11th, 2008
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1:35 pm
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So tomorrow we're putting Belle down.
Belle is a Norwegian Elkhound we've had since before I was 3. She was a hyperactive puppy who belonged to an old couple who couldn't keep up, so we took her in. Ironically, after a year or two, she turned into one of the most lethargic dogs I've ever seen. We had her and another Elkhound named Sandy, who Sandy died a few years ago of cancer while I was on a trip with grandparents. It messed me up pretty good, not being there and all. I count myself lucky I'm here to say goodbye this time.
She's had health problems since birth (we all figured she'd go before Sandy), like hip displasia, but they've been getting worse over the last year or so; going blind, going deaf, going senile, and just generally going. She's all but gone over the last two days. She can barely walk, assuming someone helps her to stand, is in too much pain to so much as lift her head, barely eats... She's just slumped over her bed.
So rather than wait for her to slowly pass in misery, we're giving her painkillers to take her mind off it, and tomorrow we're taking her to the vet and putting her down. Honestly, we would do it ourselves if we had the medications (and we looked). Then we're going to the crematorium (we've already used all the good burial sites around the farm, yes, all five acres of it) and I'm going to find something nice to keep her in.
And that'll be the end of a faithful, loving dog.
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2 headshots - pull the trigger
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| Saturday, April 5th, 2008
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12:49 am
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It's very frustrating being reminded just how broken you are for hours on end.
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pull the trigger
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
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5:57 pm
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You know you're doing something right when a black guy tells you you have style.
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pull the trigger
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| Monday, March 3rd, 2008
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3:46 am
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You are The Hermit
Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.
The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.
The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.
The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
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pull the trigger
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| Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
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8:09 pm
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Your Score: Jaime Lannister You scored 270 Adaptability, 280 Humor, 180 Integrity and 250 Activity!
There are no men like me. There is only me.
You are Jaime Lannister.
Also known as The Kingslayer, you are a complex person. You are easily amused and, much like your brother Tyrion, you aren't one to keep your considerable wit to yourself. People tend to think you're arrogant and morally bankrupt, but you do have your own kind of integrity. You are very loyal to those you involve yourself with and you are far more insightful about yourself than people realize. Unfortunately, you are also far more confused about yourself than people realize. You are physically active and you are willing to work extremely hard to overcome obstacles. You are undeniably gutsy, though you can also be cocky and impulsive. You are quick-witted, complicated, and badass.
You are also similar to Tyrion Lannister and Sandor Clegane. Your polar opposite is Catelyn Stark.
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pull the trigger
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| Monday, December 31st, 2007
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3:36 pm
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| Tuesday, December 25th, 2007
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10:23 pm
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| Monday, December 24th, 2007
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8:41 pm - Happenings.
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So the CSI board game is pretty sweet. Sometimes retarded. Mostly sweet.
Also I beat Shivering Isles. Sheogorath is the best character in Oblivion yet. Crazy Scottish god-prince of Madness. With a *capital* M, bitch.
I also got a subscription offer to Playboy. ... Despite being underaged. I think they just got my name from some college thing and assumed. But, hey, $12 for a DVD and a year's subscription, can't beat that. >.>
Also, Cougar's dead. He has to be by this point. It's been like a month since he disappeared. No more pets, dammit. I'm tired of them dying. Belle's already starting to have muscle tremors... not that I should be surprised, she's nearly as old as I am. All we can do is keep her warm and full.
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pull the trigger
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| Friday, December 21st, 2007
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5:37 am - Fuck you, I'm an elf!
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alephenon's journal